You Are the Expert: How to Stand Your Ground

You Are the Expert: How to Stand Your Ground

A story, a reminder, and a guide for every caregiver, parent, and professional who constantly feels the need to defend what they already know in their bones.

The Story: When You Forget Your Own Expertise

Drew sat across from a school team in an IEP meeting—the kind that already felt three hours too long even though it just began.

Everyone at the table had a nameplate and a title.

Speech-Language Pathologist.
Behavioral Consultant.
Case Manager.
Psychologist.

Drew glanced at his own name.
Just Drew.
Just Dad.
Just the one who knows his child better than anyone else on the planet.

Yet for a moment, he felt small.

Every recommendation, every data chart, every “this is best practice” was said with the authority of a professional—yet none of it fully matched what Drew saw at home. What he knew. What he felt.

Then the psychologist said something that snapped him back into his truth:

“I don’t think this behavior happens outside of school.”

That was it.
The moment.

Drew felt a shift—from shrinking to grounded.
From passive to present.
From “just Dad” to the expert in the room on his child.

He leaned forward, calm but steady.

“Actually, that’s not accurate. I see this at home daily, and here’s what it looks like…”

The entire tone of the room changed.
People listened.
People asked questions.
People took notes.

Because when he honored what he knew, everyone else had no choice but to honor it too.

Why This Happens: The Expertise Gap

Caregivers and parents often forget:

• Professionals have training.

• You have experience.

Professionals see your loved one for minutes or hours.
You see them in real life. Every day. Every moment. Every nuance.

That makes you:

• The historian

• The narrator

• The pattern-spotter

• The emotional barometer

• The primary data source

• The person with the lived experience

• The only one with a 360° view

Training is valuable.
And so is truth.
And you carry the truth.

How to Stand Your Ground (Without Becoming Combative)

Here are the exact strategies that shift the balance back into your favor when doubts, dismissals, or disagreements arise:

1. Trust What You Know

Your observations are not “opinions.”
They are valid data points.

If someone challenges your experience, you can say:

• “That hasn’t been my experience. Here’s what I see consistently…”

• “I’d like my perspective included in the decision-making process.”

• “At home, this looks different. Let me share what that looks like.”

2. Use Calm, Clear, Non-Negotiable Language

Standing your ground doesn’t mean raising your voice.
It means raising your clarity.

Examples:

• “That’s not correct for my child.”

• “I disagree, and here’s why.”

• “What you’re describing doesn’t align with what I’ve observed.”

• “Let’s look at what’s happening outside this setting.”

These phrases stop dismissal instantly.

3. Identify When You’re Being Undermined

Common signs:

• “Are you sure?”

• “That doesn’t usually happen.”

• “We don’t see that here.”

• “Let’s stay focused on the data.”

• “Parents often misunderstand…”

These phrases are subtle ways of claiming authority over your lived experience.

Your response:

“I hear your perspective. I’m sharing firsthand experience that is essential to understanding the full picture.”

4. Stand in Partnership, Not Permission

You are not there to get approval.
You are there to collaborate.

Try:

• “Let’s work together using all the information—yours and mine.”

• “This is a team decision, and I need my insight included in the solution.”

5. Ground Yourself Before You Speak

Standing your ground is easier when your nervous system is steady.

Do a 10-second reset:

• Feet planted

• Inhale for 4

• Hold for 2

• Exhale for 6

Then speak from a grounded place.
People feel it immediately.

A Real-Life Example of the Shift

When Drew stood his ground, something powerful happened:

The team—not immediately, but eventually—shifted from:

• Explaining things to him
  to

• Asking for his input

The power dynamic flipped.
Not because he was louder.
But because he was certain.

You don’t have to be aggressive.
You don’t have to justify your worth.
You don’t need credentials to qualify your voice.

You only need to show up in your knowing.

Key Takeaways

Here’s what to remember the next time you walk into a meeting, a conversation, or a moment where you feel outnumbered:

1. You know your loved one best.

Training doesn’t replace lived experience.

2. Your voice is essential data.

You are not “just” a parent or caregiver. You’re the expert.

3. Stand your ground with clarity, not conflict.

Direct, calm language is powerful.

4. You deserve to be treated as an equal partner.

Your insight is not optional—it's necessary.

5. When you stand in your truth, people listen.

Confidence inspires respect more than credentials ever will.

Final Encouragement

You don’t need permission to be the expert.
You already are.

Every meltdown you’ve soothed…
Every pattern you’ve tracked…
Every moment you’ve advocated…
Every sleepless night you’ve endured…
Every strategy you’ve tried, tweaked, or tossed aside…

All of it makes you the most qualified person in the room.

Stand tall.
Speak clearly.
Lead with certainty.

You are the expert—don’t let anyone make you forget it.

In kindness,

Drew Deraney

The Caregiver & Family Health Coach