This One Shift Changed Everything for Me

For a long time, I thought strength meant pushing through.

Pushing through exhaustion.
Pushing through guilt.
Pushing through the quiet voice inside that said, “I can’t keep doing this.”

Like many caregivers, I wore my overwhelm like a badge of honor. I told myself, This is what love looks like. And in many ways, it was. But it was also slowly draining the very energy, patience, and presence my family needed from me most.

The shift that changed everything wasn’t dramatic. It wasn’t a new planner, diagnosis, or breakthrough moment in a doctor’s office.

It was this:

I stopped asking, “How do I do more?”
And started asking, “How do I care for myself without guilt?”

Before the Shift: Living in Survival Mode

Here’s what life looked like before:

• My days were reactive, not intentional

• I measured my worth by how much I could carry

• Rest felt irresponsible

• Self-care felt selfish

• Burnout felt inevitable

I knew the warning signs. I had the education. I even taught others about resilience. And yet, I still burned out while caring for my son on the autism spectrum.

That’s an uncomfortable truth many caregivers don’t talk about:
Knowing better doesn’t protect you from burnout if you don’t give yourself permission to live differently.

The Moment of Awareness

The shift happened when I realized something sobering:

If I continue to ignore my own needs, the cost won’t just be mine—it will be paid by the people I love.

I wasn’t just tired.
I was less patient.
Less present.
Less joyful.

And that’s when it clicked.

Self-care isn’t about escaping responsibility.
It’s about sustaining your ability to love well.

After the Shift: A New Way Forward

Once I made that internal shift, my external world began to change—slowly, imperfectly, but meaningfully.

Here’s what I started doing differently:

• I scheduled recovery time the same way I scheduled appointments

• I set boundaries without over-explaining

• I stopped waiting until I was “empty” to refill

• I replaced guilt with intention

• I honored my limits as wisdom, not weakness

Nothing about caregiving became easier overnight—and I became steadier.

And that made all the difference.

The Takeaways I Wish I’d Learned Sooner

If you’re a caregiver, a helping professional, or someone who constantly puts others first, here’s what I want you to hear:

1. Burnout is not a personal failure—it’s a system failure
   If your life requires constant output with no recovery, something must change.

2. You don’t need permission to care for yourself
   You need courage to stop abandoning yourself.

3. Small shifts create sustainable change
   Five minutes of intentional reset done daily beats occasional escape.

4. Your well-being is not separate from those you care for
   When you are regulated, rested, and grounded, everyone benefits.

5. Prevention is powerful
   Don’t wait for exhaustion to force the lesson. Choose it now.

Why This Matters

Caregivers don’t burn out because they don’t care.
They burn out because they care too much—without support, structure, or self-compassion.

That one shift—from self-sacrifice to self-stewardship—changed everything for me.

And it’s the same shift I now help others make before burnout makes the decision for them.

If this story feels familiar, you’re not weak.
You’re human.
And you’re allowed to care for yourself, too.

You don’t have to change everything today.

Just start with one shift.

With compassion and support,

Drew Deraney

The Caregiver & Family Health Coach