Caregiver Confessions: A Moment I Lost It
There’s a sacred weight in caregiving that most people never fully understand until they’re in it. It’s not just physical. It’s emotional, mental, spiritual — all- consuming at times. And while we show up with love, dedication, and unrelenting hope, we’re still human.
I want to share a moment — one I’m not proud of — but one that taught me more than years of calm ever could.
The Breaking Point
It had been one of those weeks.
My son had been having meltdowns nearly every day — each one longer, louder, more emotionally intense than the last.
Work deadlines were stacking up.
Sleep was a joke.
I hadn’t had five minutes of quiet in days.
And somewhere in the middle of managing therapies, school emails, meals, and trying to pretend everything was okay — I snapped.
He had refused to get out of bed again. I tried coaxing. Then pleading. Then threatening consequences. And then…
I said it.
“I didn’t sign up for this!”
There was silence. Then he whispered:
“Neither did I.”
Time froze. My heart broke in real time.
The Dialogue That Shattered Me
I immediately tried to walk it back.
“I didn’t mean it that way.”
But the damage had landed. He looked at me with wet eyes and said the words I wish I could erase from my memory:
“I know I’m a burden.”
My world crumbled.
“You are not a burden. I would do anything for you.”
And I meant it. Every word. But words can’t always undo the hurt caused by a moment of unchecked frustration.
What That Moment Taught Me
Caregiving is not just about doing. It’s about being — present, resilient, and honest. But we’re not
superhuman. We feel. We break. And yes, sometimes, we say the wrong things.
Here’s what I learned from that vulnerable, painful moment:
1. Caregiver Burnout Is Real — and It’s Dangerous
Unspoken stress festers.
Lack of self-care makes us reactive.
Resentment can build silently, then explode unexpectedly.
➡️ Takeaway: If you don’t schedule time to reset, your body and emotions will force it.
Pause before you're on edge.
2. Words Cut Deep — Especially from the Ones We Love
A single sentence, said in frustration, can make your child feel unloved or unwanted.
Our kids — especially those with special needs — are sensitive to tone and energy, even more than words.
➡️ Takeaway: The emotional atmosphere we create is as important as the physical care we give.
3. Honesty is Necessary, but So is Repair
It’s okay to say “I’m overwhelmed.”
But it’s crucial to follow it with “I love you. I’m working on it.”
Kids remember apologies. They remember being reassured.
➡️ Takeaway: Modeling how to recover from mistakes teaches resilience and emotional intelligence.
4. Caregiving is a Relationship, Not a Role
We’re not just providers or protectors. We’re human beings in connection with other human beings.
That relationship needs space for forgiveness, humor, learning, and grace.
➡️ Takeaway: When we humanize ourselves to our children, we teach them to accept their own humanity too.
5. Pause Before the Blurting
My biggest realization: I need to breathe and pause before I blurt out unfiltered emotions.
That moment of pause can mean the difference between damage and understanding.
➡️ Takeaway: One breath can interrupt a lifetime of regret.
Final Reflection
That night, after he had calmed and fallen asleep, I sat in silence. I stared at him and whispered the words again:
“You are not a burden. I will always fight for you. And I need help too.”
If you’ve ever had a moment like this, please know — you are not alone.
You are not a bad parent. You are not a failure.
You are a human caregiver doing a superhuman job.
So give yourself grace. Apologize when needed. Ask for help when possible. And most of all, never forget the love that drives you to keep going — even on the hardest days.
❤️ For You, Fellow Caregiver:
If you've lost it before — breathe.
If you feel guilt — you're healing.
If you keep showing up — you're winning.
You don't have to be perfect. You just have to be real.
Drew Deraney, The Caregiver & Family Health Coach